Expectations

I always knew that I wanted to be a mom. Always. I even have a recording somewhere of me saying I wanted 6 kids. I need to add that on that same tape I said my brother, Matt, was going to have 12. Things don't always happen the way one thinks. I did a LOT of babysitting while I was growing up so I thought I was as preparred for motherhood as one could be having not been there yet. Even when I found out I was pregnant just one short year into our marriage I didn't freak out. I knew I was made to be a mom. Ethan made his arrival and I was still so very happy. Along came Levi just 17 months later. Still happy, just a little more tired. Katie came along when Levi was almost 2 years old.

As I grew into being an adult my thoughts changed a little. I no longer wanted 6 kids. My number moved to 4. Four seemed like a good number to me. I am one of 4 siblings. It seemed kind of natural. But, I could not make this decision on my own. Aaron had a say in it, as well. When Katie was 19 months old we decided, together, that we were done having kids. I felt good about where we were and was ready to move on to the next chapter in our lives. I gave away ALL baby related items. Two weeks later I found out that we were expecting our fourth baby.

In September of 2009 Evan joined the world. I love him and am so glad that God is bigger than we are. He knew that I needed another baby and that I am ment to be the mother of four. Now, way back when I was just a babysitter, I never EXPECTED parenting to be like this. It's hard, people. Real hard! But in the end all I can do is lean on God and do my best. It's a struggle every day and it's something I'm working on. I believe the Lord has great plans for me in this journey called motherhood. And I can't wait to see what they are. My EXPECTATIONS now are only to survive this thing called parenting and enjoy it all I can.