Sometimes

Lately I've been having a hard time being a mom. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE being a mom but sometimes it's just so hard. It seems harder when I'm super busy like I was last week. We started VBS on Sunday evening. I was helping and in charge of about 25-30 kids(5-10 yr. olds). On this Sunday, however, Aaron was working. And had also worked the day before. So I get myself and 4 kids ready for and to church ON TIME. It was easier than I thought it was going to be. The boys dressed themselves and Katie picked out what she wanted to wear. After our nap and Aaron coming home we went for pizza like we do every week. Had to be back at the church a little before 6 and didn't get home until close to 9. It's a good thing we live 2 minutes from the church. Monday it rained ALL day and even through VBS that night so I was INSIDE all day with my 4 precious angels and then back to the church at 6. Tuesday I had an out-of-state- friend come for a visit while she was in town. It was so good to see her and her 3 yr. old son played great with my kids. 6 hours later and we're pulling out of my driveway at the same time. She was going home and I was taking 5 kids to VBS. Wednesday I took the kids to the zoo to meet up with another friend who is also crazy and had 4 kids closer in age than mine. We were two moms with 8 kids ages 6 yrs.-6 months. We got home sometime after 1 and almost everyone took a nap. Then on to VBS at 6. Thursday was our final day for VBS and I made a point to do NOTHING. I was so tired I could tell I needed all the grace God could spare. I felt spent and Ethan almost didn't go for the last night because of how he behaved that day. Not sure what happened Friday but I know we did something. I was up and out of the house Saturday morning at 8 to give blood and Sunday was Fathers Day.

Sometimes I want to give up.
Sometimes I want to cry and cry and cry and....
Sometimes I was to hit the wall or break something.
Sometimes I wish someone would offer to take just ONE so I can get myself together.
Sometimes I wonder what I was thinking have 4 kids in less than 6 years(I wasn't)
Sometimes I wonder if I can do this parenting thing.

And then someone tells me that I'm doing a great job with my kids. Aaron is awesome and tells me he's proud of me and that the kids have a great mom and that I'm doing awesome. I get encouragement from friends who feel the same way and I don't feel so awful about ME feeling that way. I wish I never felt like I was going to lose it but that's not my life. All I can do is try to make every day the best day. In the past 6 months or so I've learned to admit that the problem is not my kids or that I had 4 so close together. The problem is me and my expectations I have for the kids. Sometimes I forget that Ethan is ONLY 6. I need to back off and let him be 6. I need to not put so much pressure on him to act older than he is. Sometimes I forget that Levi isn't as old as Ethan. I need to back off on him, too. Katie and Evan might turn out ok if I can get a grip on my attitude with the older ones ;) Sometimes I wish it was just easy....

Galatians 6:9 Let us not grow weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up!!