Changing Me

First off, I cannot believe that this is my 100th post!! Seems like just yesterday I was giving in to a friends request to start a blog so she could keep up with me. And as hit and miss as I've been, I have enjoyed blogging =)

This post is more for me than for anything else. And as the title says, it's all about changing me. Aaron is working second shift right now. That means Monday-Friday he leaves for work before the kids get home from school and doesn't get home until after 11pm. He can usually change one day a week so he's home in the evening. That still leaves 4 days a week when it's just me and the kids. I know what kind of mom I want to be. What kind of mom I dream to be. However, when one is tired and feels like a single parent most of the week and the kids fight and are disobedient, it's really hard to be that mom. So, Monday(it's now Thursday) I dropped the kids off at school. It was raining and I was in a fantastic mood. On the way home from the school I had a conversation with the Lord. I made sure he knew what my goals were for the evenings to come. How I didn't want to get irritated with my kids and to find a positive way to handle their fighting. Monday evening went GREAT! I stayed calm and didn't raise my voice at all. I told the kids what I was working toward and asked them to help by behaving and getting along. They seemed to understand that it's hard for me with their dad gone. Tuesday was also really good. We played cards and had a great time until bed time. Yesterday....Still ok, but not what I wanted. I could feel myself getting irritated and fighting my feelings. I've learned that if I turn up my praise and worship music and pray in the moment it really helps. I don't want to be that mom that yells because her kids are being loud, or jumping around the house. I want to be loud and jump with them. Something happened at the end of last year, a tragedy in Connecticut, that has helped me deal with my kids. I just remind myself that there are parents out there who would love the noise and fighting and a reason to discipline their child. But they can't. I have the opportunity to change myself and be the mom I know I can be. To live in the moment and let my kids be kids. To have fun with them now because they're growing up so fast. To have a calm and gentle spirit because I don't want them to remember a mom that was always telling them to stop and be quiet and "what were you thinking". I am learning about self-control and to think before I speak. I'm in a study right now and one of the things that keeps coming up is that the mom is the center of the home. Who do my kids go to to tattle even if dad is right next to them? Me. When they get hurt? Me. When they do something they're proud of? Me. Not to say they WON'T go to their dad, but they come to me most. It's in our nature to nurture and I need to nurture ALL THE TIME. God is teaching me through some very special people that I am not alone in this struggle. But If we're going to homeschool next year then I need to get a handle on my attitude NOW. I mean, look at these faces...

Don't they deserve the best from a mom that loves them the most? I never want them to have reason to doubt that they are getting that. My best.

'Her children rise up and call her blessed'   Psa. 31:28