Lessons

I've always thought that in everything there is a lesson to be learned. Some lessons slap you in the face, while others aren't realized for years after the fact. I like the slap-you-in-the-face ones because they don't leave you wondering. It's the ones that take a long time to figure out that I don't usually like.

My grandma is sick. It all started when she had a bad stroke back in March of 2003. I remember it very well because she and my grandpa celebrated 60 years of marriage the next month. She got better very slowly but was NEVER back to her 'old' self. After she got out of rehab they moved into an assisted living center in Muskogee where they had lived ever since I can remember. Grandma needed more care than grandpa could give alone.

After my grandma got as better as she was going to get my grandpa got sick. He had a sickness that effected the use of his muscles. He was a little guy. 5 foot and weighed maybe 100 lbs. This didn't help. The place they were living couldn't provide the care HE needed so they moved ion with my mom. That was better for us grandkids because it made it easier to bring our babies over for a visit. It might have started out easier for my mom, too but it didn't stay that way.

Mom decided it was best to move them into a nursing home/assisted living center. They were both doing much better and were able to do most of their own care. Then grandpa started having blood sugar problems. He was a diabetic that loved chocolate cake ;) Pretty soon they couldn't keep his BS levels normal no matter what he ate and he got really weak. His feet got bad and he was either in bed or in his chair.

And then it happened. On Wed., July 15 2009 my phone rang as I was leaving church. It was my dad. First things that tipped my off something was wrong? My dad, a pastor, was calling me when he should have been at church. My grandpa had died. He had eaten dinner and died. Just like that. We said good-bye on Friday, the 17. It was a beautiful day and surprisingly not too hot(and I was 8 months pregnant).



My grandpa just 2 short months before he died.


I miss him.










Now on to today and my grandma. She is sick. She has Congestive Heart Failure and is a diabetic. And the part of her brain that was effected by the stroke is shrinking and that cause seizures. She is in the hospital about every 4 months to have fluid drained because of the CHF. And a seizure puts her in about 3 times a year. Her most recent seizure happened last Thursday, the 22nd. It was bad, b.a.d. Her body just can't handle what a seizure puts her through and we should have had to say our good-bye's. But her she is, back in her room being cared for.


I won't apologize for wanting it to all be over. She doesn't remember things and she sleeps alot. Her quality of life is shot and I know she misses my grandpa. I sat with her for a little when she was in the hospital and she kept looking around the room mumbling stuff. I asked if she was looking for someone and she said yes. " I can't find Paul. He should be here." My parents have a mission trip to Mexico coming up at the end of August. I want them to go and not worry about whether or not they'll get that phone call while they're gone. Sound harsh? I don't think so. I love my grandma DEARLY. I have so many awesome memories of her that I will cherish forever. But here lately she's been in such a state that she's unpredictable and it's getting stressful. Every time my mom calls I wonder if this is it. The wait is taking it's toll on the family.





My grandma 6 weeks after she said good-bye to her husband of 66 years.












What is the lesson in all of this? I don't have the answer, I'm asking for one. This is one of those that I might not understand for a very long time.



For those that read this I'll ask you to pray that my parents feel at peace about going on the Mexico trip if grandma is still hanging on.

Changing the world

5 and a half years ago Aaron and I started sponsoring our first child. Her name is Nailin and she is from Colombia. When we started the sponsor process I was very excited when got her picture and info in the mail. I was ready to help a child who had hardly anything. Nailin will be 16 in Oct and she has become such a beautiful young lady(Yes, I've told her so).

Last Saturday our church held a Food for the Hungry concert and we, as a family, went. It was tons of fun. We got to enjoy the music of Among the Thirsty, 33 miles and Aaron Shust for a measly 5 dollars a person. During the time when 33 miles was entertaining us, the lead singer talked about how he had gone with a group to Guatemala. That turned into him passing out folders containing info about children waiting to be sponsored. I tried to catch Aaron's eye to let him know I wanted another child. IT WORKED! The info we were given belongs to another little girl, Filomena. She'll be 9 in Dec and she lives in Guatemala. I've already sent her a letter and family picture so she can know who we are.

As I was writing to F I stopped and looked out our dining room window. It looks out on the street in front of our house. I saw our 3 vehicles, my flowers I plant every year, our freshly mowed lawn and a thought occurred to me. What would our sponsored children think of the way WE live? So many of us complain about what we don't have or what we want that a friend has or that our house isn't big enough or our car isn't new enough. The list goes on and on. I reread the info on F and it said that she has no siblings and lives with her grandma. It made me sad. Here I am in my home of 1800 sq ft and I feel like I have the right to complain about life?? I don't think so! The monthly income for the families of sponsored children is so very little. I have been super blessed from the family I grew up in to the man I married and the kids I have. Aaron and I have dealt with our money in such a way that we are able to help kids in another country that have far less than I. In a little over 2 years we'll have our house paid off and I will jump on the Children International website and pic out 2 more kids. Maybe 3. I would like to have 1 sponsored child for each of my kids. Same gender/age so they can write letters and become friends. It is a dream I WILL see come to pass. But, for now we have 2. And it makes me feel good that we are helping change the world for them. What are you doing to change the world?

The 'littles'

Last night was one of those nights where the kids went to bed around 7. They had played hard all day with a cousin and there were no naps except for Katie and Evan. So, the boys went down with out a fight while Katie talked to herself for about 2 hours. Within those 2 hours she managed to wake Evan, which made me irritated. That is until I heard her say...once upon a time(over and over). She was 'telling' Evan bedtime stories and it made my heart so happy. It was a reminder that no matter how hard some days can be, if I stop and pay attention I'll witness some sweet moments between my kids. Katie and Evan sat in their room and 'talked' for more than an hour before they got quiet and went to sleep. I couldn't keep myself from smiling as I listened to them.

A cruise ship or a dingy

Not long ago I wrote a post about sometimes wanting to quit. About how sometimes it's hard being a mom and feeling overwhelmed. The response was awesome! I had mom's telling me that I was writing what they were feeling and thanking me for being so open. Well, the other day I was on the phone with my sis-in-law discussing that post and how I thought it strange that people acted like this was a foreign thing, being honest about parenthood. I don't know how to cover up the fact that sometimes there are days I desperately want help or need a good cry. And I want to know that there are other moms out there that feel the same way. It's a must to be secure enough in your parenting to be open and honest about your failures in the process of raising your children. I have more moms ask me how I do life with 4 small kids than I can count. I just tell them it's by the grace of my God and if I didn't do it, it wouldn't get done. It's the life I've chosen and the one I've been blessed with. Sometimes it's hard to see it as a blessing when all 4 are screaming and the bigger's are fighting and asking(demanding) for stuff all at the same time. I love my kids more than life and am filled with joy from the work it takes being their mommy. There are days when I feel invisible. When I'm nothing more than an answering system...where are my shoes, what's for lunch, can I watch a movie, can we go swimming, I need a snack, can so and so come over, where are my blue shorts? And this all seems to happen when I'm on the phone ;) There is a story about a mom who felt this way, invisible. A friend gave her a book about the great cathedrals and her inscription read..."With admiration for the greatness you are building when no one sees." She read about how no one knows who built some of the most beautiful churches in the world but they've been photographed and written about about. People carefully put these structures together and now we get to enjoy their beauty. We, as moms, are building such structures in the lives of our kids. When our children are grown others will look at them and see all the hard work we put into making sure they know who they are and what they stand for. I for one want to know that other moms struggle like I do to be the best for my kids. It's harder some days but we'll just call those days 'growing pains' and say a prayer and get on with life. For me, moms that try to make their life appear all rainbows and unicorns seem unapproachable. What mom wants to hang out with another who makes it look like they never have trouble getting their kids to obey? We want to know we're not alone. As for me I'd rather be on a cruise ship with the other moms who admit to having hard days than on a dingy by myself. How about you??

Wordless Wednesday

Happy 4th!

I know the this is the 3rd but I'm hoping the rain will go away and we'll be having family fun at the pool tomorrow. So this post is to say THANK YOU to all soldiers. Those that are currently serving like my friends in Germany and those that have served in the past, like my brother and grandpa. You are appreciated more than words can say for the sacrifice you make to protect this great nation.




LOVE this picture!











At our Feedom celebration an artist drew this while the choir sang. It was unbelievable to watch
it come together.

My second born

Today he turns 5. And I can remember what the day was like 5 years ago. Man, it seems like yesterday. Aaron was working the midnight shift, so I was home alone with Ethan(17 months old). I woke about 2 with mild contractions and since I was 6 days past my due date I thought this might be it. I wrote the time down every time one woke me up. I finally got up and showered around 6:30. Started getting last minute stuff together for my stay and waited for Aaron to get home a little after 7. When he walked in the door I bypassed the "Hi babe. How was work?" and went straight to," you better get some sleep 'cause we're having a baby today." So, Aaron went to bed and I waited for his mom to come and stay with Ethan. We took our time because I wasn't hurting too bad. My mil got to our house about 11 and I woke Aaron. We got checked in and they broke my water around 12:30. Still not hurting too bad we watched the Cubs play and I had visitors and talked on the phone to pass the time. However, about 4:00 I started feeling LOTS of pain. I made it until 5:30 before I asked for Stadol and out came Levi at 5:46! He weighed in at a hefty 6.4 pounds and was in such a hurry he didn't even wait for the doc to get in the room. I must say he was the easiest delivery of the 4 I've been through. He was just the tiniest, cutest thing. And now? He's still cute but not so little. He can ride a bike with no training wheels and do flips on the trampoline and swim with no floaties. And he lost his first tooth 2 days ago with number 2 coming out in a week or so. He loves to help and does most everything I ask of him. He also can throw a pretty good fit. But after all is said and done, my second born is a great kid with a big heart and I love him more with every breath. Happy Birthday, Levi!!