Remembering

    Today is weird. I keep looking at the clock and remembering what I was doing Dec 1, 2017. That's the day my dad went home to heaven. It started as a frenzied day for me. Two of my kids had well-check appointments at 8am. That dr's office is at least a 20 minute drive from my house. As we were driving away from that appointment, my mom called and told me my dad's blood pressure had dropped and the hospice nurse was there to keep an eye on things. I made plans to head to their house later in the day. Then Katie had a check-up with the ortho for a cast change due to a broken hand from the month before. My brother texted and asked if I was coming. All my brothers were already there and I knew I might not make it before my dad passed. But I was sitting in an orthopedic office at the mercy of others and couldn't leave. We made it back to the house a little before 11am and my lovely mom-in-law had left work to come stay with the kids. For some reason Aaron was working day shift this day. I walked into my parents house moments after my dad passed. It was the oddest feeling. The rest of the day was a blur. Phone calls were made, lunch was eaten, the funeral home came and took him away. I stayed with my mom that night. and now it's been three years and I still get sad. I still cry. I still miss him tremendously. But I've also learned to find joy in things that I didn't before. These past 3 years have been quite a journey for me. I didn't think I was having such a hard time until my husband pointed out my behavior/attitude. This was a breakthrough for me. I was forced to face my own sadness and deal with things on a level I hadn't yet. Now, at the 3 year mark, I can say that my heart is healing. It won't ever be whole but that's ok. I lost my dad. And when you have a dad like mine, that's something that leaves you a little broken forever.